- Would adding two more paragraphs of the effects of obesity (one-medical effects, the other-economic effects) enhance or distract from my essay of the main causes of obesity?
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Questions for the Reviewer
I am pretty confident about my first draft exploratory essay. However, while I was actually writing the essay i changed the thesis from focusing on both the causes and effects of obesity to only stressing the causes of obesity. my question is:
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2 comments:
It was a very well written paper. I think that including information about the effects of obesity is a great idea, but I don't think it should be placed in a paragraph. I think it would be great to place it in the introduction paragraph to get the reader more educated on the subject before taking the different medical factors. I believe that adding two more paragraphs will make the essay stray away from the thesis statement.
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